


Whiskey and Exhaustion

by Inkribbon796



Series: Masks and Maladies [59]
Category: Markiplier fandom - Fandom
Genre: Birthday Fluff, Gen, superhero au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:02:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23304349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkribbon796/pseuds/Inkribbon796
Summary: Ed doesn’t get paid enough for half of the things he does, from babysitting the younger enforcers that worked for Dark, to making sure Bim doesn’t expose all of them to the police. He’s contemplated asking Dark for a raise, or a vacation . . . Or both.
Series: Masks and Maladies [59]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1538131
Kudos: 30





	Whiskey and Exhaustion

**Author's Note:**

> ForEd Edgar’sbirthday

When Ed was a kid he had grandiose plans of how his life was going to go. He’d of course wanted to be a cowboy, obviously. Living a rough and tumble life out in the middle of nowhere mostly on horseback.

A dream that had been more riddled with holes than Wil’s victims often were. Ed’s father had started working for Dark, in the exact same position that Ed now held in his stead. Ed’s first encounter with a horse revealed one thing: Ed had bad knees, even as a kid. It made getting on and off a horse hard for him. Along with the fact that his dreams of being a cowboy were filled with fantasies that his father quickly ruined for him.

So he was currently one Dark’s most experienced enforcers. There were only a handful of people still alive that had worked for Dark as long as he had. So he’d seen a lot of rough stuff, things that every once in a while kept him up at night with a glass of whiskey in one shaky hand and a cigar in the other. Tonight, Dark had given him free reign over the whiskey and bourbon in his liquor cabinet, a rare mercy from the person responsible for putting Edgar in this state.

Today, even on his birthday, it was one of those days.

Edgar was sitting in Dark’s office, Google and Dark’s personal assistant had been in the room for a little bit but they’d mercifully left Ed alone. Now he was the only one in the room.

The door opened and Ed tensed, last thing he needed was a drinking buddy.

“Hey, Ed,” Illinois walked in.

“Shit kid, thought yeh were in Brazil,” Ed looked up, still sober enough to notice the much deeper tan he had.

“I got a lift,” Illinois walked over to Dark’s liquor cabinet to grab a whiskey glass. “Mind if I join you?”

“Yes, tell yer ol’ man yah can drink at home,” Ed told him.

“Was it Dark or the Bookworm?” Illinois ignored him and checked the ice, starting to pour himself a drink.

“Where did Dark even find that kid?” Ed groaned. “He’s got balls ‘a ice.”

“Oh yeah,” Illinois agreed as he took his first few sips of his drink. “Guy’s a real piece of work, had to talk to him before I came in. Who got killed this time?”

“My assistant,” Ed told him. “She was creeped out by Dark’s new pet, and I think she had a crush on him.”

“Poor thing,” Illinois rolled his eyes. “Pretty sure the guy’s veins are ice too, but last I checked people don’t get set on fire for flirting poorly.”

“She was tryin’ ta pry inta Dark’s personal business an’ apparently found out about Celine in a way he didn’t like.”

“Yikes, the Ol’ Man’s gotta go public about her before he keeps digging that pit for himself,” Illinois groaned.

“Dark, quit digging pits fer ‘imself?” Ed scoffed. “What world have yeh been living in? Sounds like fun, can I join?”

That got a chuckle out of the young adventurer. He took two boxes out of his coat, one was square shaped, another was a flat box.

“Nice magic trick, did Dark teach yah?” Ed asked, clearly suspicious of the gifts.

“Maybe,” Illinois shrugged. “I picked up my own tricks here and there, had to since I was babysitting Artie and Yan all the time. I mean, I got adopted for a reason.”

“Yah got yerself picked cause Dark could tell even from day one that yah were going to follow ‘im around like a lost puppy. I mean kid, you practically grabbed onto his arm an’ refused ta let ‘im go. Even Kay thought yeh worshiped the ground he walked on.”

“That’s a bit much,” Illinois dismissed, tipping back the rest of the glass. “Probably when I was ten and didn’t know he had the disposition of quicksand.”

“Yeh can still jump out,” Ed warned, staring at Illinois who gave him a murderous glare.

“Just open the boxes, Ed,” Illinois warned. “I’m not going anywhere, you’re in one of my dads’ offices.”

“Fine,” Edgar sighed and took the larger box to pull out a case of four whiskey glasses with horses etched onto them.

He took one of the glasses out and examined it, “Huh, thanks.”

“Second one’s from Sierras, she wanted to know if you picked up any cute girls lately,” Illinois smiled.

“Why?” Ed chuckled to himself, “so she can steal my date and my bike?”

“Probably,” Illinois answered, a little bit of humor coming back into his voice.

Ed laughed as he pulled out a shirt that read:  _ “I’ve got OLD BALLS, what’s your superpower?” _ It came with a card that read:  _ “From one fabulous bitch to another.” _

What surprised Ed was the shocking nice note inside, even if she did insult him several times. “Huh, she’s lost her mind.”

“You know the old saying,” Illinois shrugged, pouring himself another drink. “Distance makes the heart grow fond.”

“Yeah, I’ll believe that when she stops sending me brochures to old folks’ homes,” Ed warned. “I’m not even fifty.”

“Could’a fooled me with all those wrinkles and bags,” Illinois jabbed.

“Can it you,” Ed snapped goodnaturedly.

“The Old Man said you have the day off tomorrow,” Illinois said, standing up and taking his glass with him. “Try to sleep in.”

“What’s the occasion?” Ed whistled. “I get to drink an’ not walk in with a hangover tomorrow.”

“Take advantage of it while you can, I’ve got to be in bright and early tomorrow, found the Old Man’s face on a rock slab in Brazil, and he wants it translated out ASAP.”

“Shouldn’t he know what’s on it?” Ed asked.

That question got another noncommittal shrug, “Thanks again for the adoption.”

“Thanks for being one ‘a the only two brain cells yah Lost Ones had, made it easier,” Ed told him.

Illinois smiled and took off his fedora, blowing air on the bronze star pinned inside of the hat. Immediately a portal into Dark’s side of the Void ripped open to to let Illinois through.

With a lazy, improper two finger salute, Illinois jumped backwards through the Void, leaving Edgar to his whiskey and the comforting silence of the room.


End file.
